Blast from the past..

Below is an entry I posted ages ago, on 22.01.2007.. N looking at that, I STILL have to work on those in the to-do list and I am pretty much satisfied with what I don't want to change in my 2nd list.. How crazy is that?! LOL 4 years plus ago I've already identified my issues.. but the down side, I haven't really worked on all of it yet.. Pretty much all are still Work In Progress.. yikess..

You Are Confident and Secure

You are practically immune to insecurity and self doubt. You're comfortable with who you are, and if someone doesn't like you - that's not your problem. Some people think you're too confident, but that's just their insecurities shining through. Your confidence carries you through your worst moments, because you know you'll always come out fine.

Are You Insecure?

im actually getting a teeeny weeny bit worried now that i might be too confident... which could backfire actualy... for instance.... i seem to be soo happy where i am and how i am now i don't really wanna change... but actually i should especially to fix my weaknesses... but...

do i wanna change?

........................................................................................................................................................................

what do i wanna change of myself?

1. to be less lazy
   
2. to cut the word 'procrastinate' out off my dictionary
   
3. to cut short my bumming around time
4. to SLEEP less
5. to study more
6. to read the newspapers on a daily basis
   
7. i want to be more dedicated to God
   
8. i don't want to give in to temptation anymore
   
9. i want to lead a healthier life.. exercise more,drink more water,eat more fruits (su zhen will be proud of me)
10. to overcome my ridiculous fears
    

i guess to all that i do wanna change or should i say alter myself..

to be better.... to be more efficient.. to succeed....

but to the other stuff... like my personality,my independence,my thinking,my character...
i don't wanna change... but to a certain extend i am worried that at the rate of how i'm living my life... i'll not be able to achieve certain goals i want to achieve in life...


the stuff that i don't wanna change bout myself now..

1. my independence
2. my numbness
3. my character
4. my single life

the reason why i don't wanna change..

i don't see any reason for me to change...

i guess ill just wait and will change when i actually find a reason(s) to change...
till then cheers...


*back to studying chem5*

Fast forward to 2011

Gosh, thanks to my bro, I remembered this long lost blog of mine. Its been like almost 4 years since I last updated/even posted on my blog. I guess its that time again when I find comfort in blogging and just speaking my mind and pouring out what's in my heart.
Very sadly as my previous posts will tell, I tend to only update/write on my blog when I'm not feeling very positive or something big just dropped on me.. like something life-changing..

Now its 2011, hmm where did I left off? hmmm....
In a nutshell, I started my degree in 2007, met a lot of new people, stumbled and had loads of hiccups in my academic results, made even more awesome and life-long friends, had a new love interest, graduated in the UK, started work, bought my own crib, driving my dad's old car, and re-sitting my clp for the 2nd time.

And how do I feel about all that? Sweet with a cube of bitterness especially in the after taste.
I thought I had it all figured, I thought I met the man of life (again- LOL), I thought I'd finally met a true bestfriend (again), I thought I'd not have anymore family problems (again), I thought I'd be much more happier, and with more freedom to do anything my heart desires with financial independence (most of the time-except when I have debts I totally disagree), I thought I can fly like a bird and just run away from all my problems (no-way hosay!), and I thought that most learning stops after u've graduated(big big mistake)..That pretty much sums up what I've learned.

What I am today that I am proud of- I am definetely a much better person and a much wiser one and also a better Christian. I am still learning, I have learnt that I will never be able to reach even close to almost perfect. What saddens me though, its the number of mistakes that I made over and over again before learning. And I am pretty sure I am still making those mistakes and will still continue to do so.

Reads...

After my finals in May, I got myself engrossed in reading.. Yup read, read. Something that
I enjoyed very much back when I was in primary and the early secondary school.


I started of by reading 'Why men don't have a clue, and women always need more shoes.' A light start, it being an ultimate guide to the opposite sex which I felt I was in need of at that time. This book doesn't really give an all insight to the complexities of the differences between opposite sex but it does give some good clues on how to deal with some problems pertaining your opposite sex.



Then I went on to one of the famous Dan Brown books, 'Angels and Demons.' This was one really huge adventure. It was pretty good and very intelligent of the author to be very creative and use especially the artworks in sculpture and architecture of renown artists in the renaissance age as clues to the whole chase. This read actually rekindled my interest in the renaissance time which I have always had an eye for since school days itself. I wished we were exposed to more of the works and the discoveries made during that era as a student. But the fact is we're not and we have to undertake our own research to fulfill out queries and interests as such.




Both these books are courtesy of Su Zhen which I have yet to return n I will do so asap when I'm back in KL..

By the end of these two reads, I was thirsty for more reading. To fulfill my new found free time and well to fulfill my imagination I would say and also always having something exciting to look forward to. ASTRO is now longer any different from local TV and a good book is certainly the only way to keep me seated down without feeling restless.

Amazingly I've also noticed that reading made me stayed at home more without feeling trapped, in fact feeling so peaceful and excited. Its wonderful what a bunch of written pages can do to u.. That's another way of looking at it.. LOL

We need more perak people!

PS: U can actually make money from these surveys. Well i do..
:-)

my personality info!

breathe (2am) - Anna Nalick

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him
Winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors
So accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to critisize
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl
So cradle your head in you hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button boys
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again
If you only try turning around

2 AM and I'm still awake
Writing a song if I get it all down on paper
Its no longer inside of me
Treatening the life they belong to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe
Oh breathe, just breathe..

why?

why? why?

why does this keep happening? why can't my life
be normal? why can't i have a normal family life?
why must there be so much of problems?

i am so fed up.....